How to find a therapist that fits you

Finding a therapist who truly understands you can be overwhelming at first, and you may doubt sometimes does that kind of therapist exist, but it is a journey worth taking. Here are some simple ideas and steps from my own experiences in therapy, to help you find a therapist that fits you.

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Start With Your Needs

First, take some time to think about what you need. Ask yourself:

• What problems do I want help with?
• Do I need someone who listens gently, validates my feelings, and is willing to work on the therapeutic relationship? Or do I need someone who can provide me practical skills or suggestions? Or both?
• Am I looking for someone with a certain style, like a therapist who uses a warm, relational approach or one who is more structured?

Knowing your needs will help you narrow down your search. For example, if you feel overwhelmed by anxiety or stress at work, you might want a therapist who understands these struggles and uses simple, caring language to guide you.

If you feel confused about your own needs, no worries, you may form a clearer idea about what you need after you meet and try some therapists. Just keep these questions in mind when you meet therapists, and you may ask them to help you get a better understanding of your needs too.

Consider Practical Matter

Think about the practical side of therapy too. Ask:

• Where is the therapist’s office located?
• Do their hours fit my schedule?
• Can I afford their services for a certain time period? 

Sometimes the best therapist for you is the one who fits well with your life schedule and budget. You might also look into online therapy if that makes you feel more comfortable or if you have a busy schedule. Evidences show that online therapy can be effective too, for clients who can accept that form. But maybe it's not your cup of tea, and that's OK too.

Ask for Recommendations or Search for Candidates

It can help to ask people you trust about their experiences. You might ask a friend, family member, or even your doctor if they know a therapist who has a warm and inviting style. Also there are different platforms for therapists, and you may filter by location, modality, language, issues, or other criteria, to get a list of therapists.  

Check Their Credentials and Approach

Once you have a few names, do a bit of research. Look for a therapist who is licensed and has experience in the area you need help with. Many therapists now share a little about their approach and clientele on their websites.  

Interview the Therapists

When you have an initial list of therapists, you may want to send them a message to check their availability. Usually you need to send out messages to 10+ therapists to get 4-6 responses, since some therapists just don't respond when their schedule is full.

Therapists often provide 15-20 mins free consultation. It is important for you to take that opportunity to meet the therapists before determining which one you would like to work with. I really recommend you to meet several therapists at first and then choose one that makes you feel the most comfortable. 

Don't Afraid of Asking Questions or Challenging the Therapist

The process of finding a therapist is like dating. Sometimes you need to meet a few people before you find someone who feels right. It is okay to take your time and to ask questions during your sessions. You can say something like, “I am feeling a bit unsure about how we will work together. Can you help me understand your approach?”, "It's unclear how your training can help me in this issue", This kind of conversation can help you understand if the therapist is a good fit for you.

Reflect on Your Experience

After a session, take a few moments to reflect on how you felt during the meeting. Write down your thoughts or talk with a friend. 

Ask yourself:

• Do I feel heard and understood?
• Does the therapist speak in a way that is kind and clear?
• Do I feel safe to share my feelings?

It is natural to feel a bit nervous during your first several sessions. But if you feel that the therapist listens with empathy and makes you feel supported, this is a good sign. If you do not feel comfortable, it is okay to look for someone else. Finding the right match is very personal and every good therapist would understand, you don't even need to give a reason.

It’s a Journey

Remember that therapy is a journey of self-exploration. It may take some time to find the right person to help you work through your feelings and challenges. Sometimes the first therapist you meet may not be the best match, and that is perfectly okay. Each experience teaches you more about what you need in your next search.

In Summary

Finding a therapist that fits you means understanding your own needs, asking for recommendations, checking credentials, interviewing some therapists, and trusting your gut. It also means thinking about practical matters like location, hours, and cost. Keep an open mind and reflect on how you feel after your sessions. In time, you will find a therapist who is not only qualified but also makes you feel safe, understood, and supported.

Good Luck!